im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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