I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
