she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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