if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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