Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
