3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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