I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
