I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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