Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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