i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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