I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
