Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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