look no pants
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
