yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
