If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize