I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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