you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
