Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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