So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm at about main and main street
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize