Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize