My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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