omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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