Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
