I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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