the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
