things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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