I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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