i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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