I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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