i jhust puked up my retainher.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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