My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
