How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
