...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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