Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
