Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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