He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
