did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
