I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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