I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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