Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
