Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
