note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
