Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
