I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My breasts were aching with rage.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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