i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
