he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize