dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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