New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Pooping to opera.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
