How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
