tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Walk of Shame today included voting.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
