The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Randomize
