Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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