3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
