I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
