I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize