walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
