I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize