Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
