Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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