My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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