Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
