but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
