Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize